


The Red-Headed League of Female Doctors

by not_mayhap



Category: Return to Night - Mary Renault, Star Trek: The Next Generation, The X-Files
Genre: Cannibalism, Deliberate Badfic, F/M, Mantisfuck Consentworld, Multiple Crossovers, Red-Headed Female Doctors, Time Travel, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 22:56:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3627417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_mayhap/pseuds/not_mayhap
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Beverly Crusher wants to mate with and subsequently eat Riker, but he doesn't consent. Can she change his mind with the help of Dr. Hilary Mansell and Dr. Dana Scully?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Red-Headed League of Female Doctors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Naraht](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naraht/gifts).



> I was going to read _Return to Night_ but then I decided to write this treat for you and I couldn't risk contaminating the purity of my vision with any actual canon. I hope you appreciate my sacrifice. The important thing is that I have read all the mantisfuck consentworld fic, which makes me an expert. I expect any fic written in the future to acknowledge my genius, although frankly I think my definitive portrayal will discourage anyone from attempting to follow in my footsteps.

Suddenly Dr. Hilary Mansell and Dr. Dana Scully found themselves on board a spaceship. There were lots of muted colors and rounded edges and track lighting.

“What are am I doing here?” Dr. Hilary Mansell demanded icily. She looked around for the man who had abducted her so that she could surgically emasculate him.

“This looks like a spaceship,” said Dr. Dana Scully. She ran a hand through her red shoulder-length bob. “I better not have been abducted by aliens. Mulder would never let me live it down.”

“Don’t worry,” said Dr. Beverly Crusher. “I may live on a spaceship, but I’m not an alien.”

“Oh good,” Dr. Dana Scully said.

“That still does not explain what I am doing here,” Dr. Hilary Mansell put in. She was cranky because Dr. Beverly Crusher was a red-headed female doctor and therefore she couldn’t surgically emasculate her.

“I brought you here from the twentieth century,” explained Dr. Beverly Crusher. “I have a plan and I need your help.”

“Why us?” asked Dr. Dana Scully.

“Because you are red-headed female doctors,” Dr. Beverly Crusher said. “That part is really important for some reason.”

“And what, precisely, do you want us to help you with?” Dr. Hilary Mansell continued.

“I have selected a mate from among my coworkers," said Dr. Beverly Crusher. "I wish to have a large number of children with him, but only if I can consume him afterwards for nourishment."

“Like a praying mantis,” exposited Dr. Dana Scully scientifically.

Dr. Hilary Mansell’s eyes lit up. “That sounds superb,” she said.

Dr. Beverly Crusher nodded. “I have used my advanced future medicine to alter my body to make it more like a praying mantis,” she said. “My only problem now is that my coworker will not consent to being consumed after sex. That part is also really important for some reason.”

“And where do we come into it?” Dr. Dana Scully asked patiently. She was used to talking to crazy people because she worked with Mulder on the X-Files.

“I will send you back to your own times so you can mate with and consume the coworkers that you have sexual tension with,” began Dr. Beverly Crusher.

“The coworkers with whom you have sexual tension,” Dr. Hilary Mansell corrected.

“Whatever,” said Dr. Dana Scully.

“You will create a whole new rich and detailed sociocultural milieu called mantisfuck consentworld, and then centuries later it will be totally normal and accepted and nobody will call me a mad scientist and try to have me replaced with a hologram,” Dr. Beverly Crusher said.

“I’ll do it,” Dr. Hilary Mansell said at once. “It will be even better than surgical emasculation.”

“Aren’t you afraid that changing the past will make it so you don’t exist?” asked Dr. Dana Scully, who was the only one of the three red-headed female doctors who had watched the Back to the Future trilogy.

“No,” Dr. Beverly Crusher said. “I am the main character, so that definitely won’t happen.”

“Actually, I am the main character,” Dr. Hilary Mansell said haughtily. “But you are a red-headed female doctor, so that should be good enough.”

The other two red-headed female doctors nodded.

“Still, this seems like it is the opposite of everything that I stand for, which is being normal and not going along with anything weird like the stuff that Mulder comes up with every week,” Dr. Dana Scully said.

“It won’t be like that,” said Dr. Hilary Mansell. “I will have gone before you as the glorious pioneer of mantisfuck consentworld. No one would dare to call anything that I do ‘weird’.”

“Besides,” Dr. Beverly Crusher said, “Mulder won’t be able to say anything about it after you eat him.”

“Good point,” said Dr. Dana Scully.

“Okay good,” said Dr. Beverly Crusher.

She gave them pills and said that is how they do surgery in the future. Dr. Dana Scully was impressed, but Dr. Hilary Mansell was glad that she was returning to her own time where doctors get to use scalpels.

Suddenly all the red-headed female doctors were back in their own times, except Dr. Beverly Crusher, who was already in her own time and had sent them back using time travel.

Dr. Hilary Mansell straddled Julian and rode him. She was like a goddess, specifically one of the goddesses that aren’t subservient to men. By the time she was finished he was especially glad that he was going to be eaten because he was too tired to do anything else anyway. It was glorious.

“Mulder,” Dr. Dana Scully said. “I think that we should resolve our sexual tension.”

Special Agent Fox Mulder smoldered at her. “Really?” he breathed.

“Yes, I want to have children. Lots and lots and lots of children.”

“But I thought that you couldn’t get pregnant,” said Mulder.

“I can now,” Dr. Dana Scully said. “A red-headed female doctor from the future gave me a surgery pill. The only thing is that I have to eat you afterwards.”

“Oh wow,” Mulder said. “You mean like Dr. Hilary Mansell?” He got all starry-eyed. “I read her famous study. She is my favorite red-headed female doctor.”

“Ahem,” said Dr. Dana Scully sternly. “I think you mean your second favorite red-headed female doctor.”

“Oh right,” Mulder said because he didn’t want Dr. Dana Scully to eat Assistant Director Walter Skinner instead, but Dr. Hilary Mansell was still secretly his favorite. “Just one more thing. After you have our babies, you aren’t planning to abandon them for their own good, are you?”

“Of course not,” said Dr. Dana Scully. “Why on earth would I do that?”

“I just thought that I should make sure for some reason,” Mulder said. “Never mind.”

They did it right there on the desk in the X-Files office. No one heard anything because it was in the basement and nobody went down there besides them anyway.

Dr. Beverly Crusher kept asking First Officer William Riker if he would impregnate her and then be consumed by her.

“Can I do it now?” she asked.

“No,” he said.

“Can I do it now?”

“No.”

“Can I do it now?”

“Yes, of course,” he said, and swept Dr. Beverly Crusher into his arms. That is how she knew that the timeline had been changed. Also Riker had a beard now.

Captain Picard was mad that Dr. Beverly Crusher had replaced his first officer, whom he had liked, with a bunch of children, whom he didn’t like because he didn’t like children. Deanna Troi told him to calm down and Whoopi Goldberg gave him an extra-strong fake drink that doesn’t get you drunk.


End file.
